Take the 40 day challenge of faithful restoration.
Do you have a stressed relationship with your child? Do you want your relationship and experiences with your child to be positive and healing involvements that point them to Jesus?
I pray as each person takes this 40 day journey it will be a fruitful tool for you and your family.
Each exercise is designed to strengthen your relationship with your child especially if it is a stressed relationship. This 40 day challenge of faithful restoration is designed to bring restorative measures to the stressed relationship you have with your child. Through this journey, and as you trust the Lord in this, your son or daughter will be able to more clearly "taste and see that the Lord is good."
I pray as each person takes this 40 day journey it will be a fruitful tool for you and your family.
Each exercise is designed to strengthen your relationship with your child especially if it is a stressed relationship. This 40 day challenge of faithful restoration is designed to bring restorative measures to the stressed relationship you have with your child. Through this journey, and as you trust the Lord in this, your son or daughter will be able to more clearly "taste and see that the Lord is good."
God is faithfully working in your family today
Day 1 Do something small for your child which you have left undone but have intended to do for quite some time. Perhaps sew a button on his/her shirt, dust those hard to get to areas in his/her bedroom, or look for his/her misplaced item or toy. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you in this. Day 2 Make it a point to observe your child today. Obtain a notebook or blank book to be used for the remainder of the 40 day journey. Write in it something new that you learned about your child. It's ok if it's something very small. Day 3 Tell your child something you like about him/her. It's ok if it's just a small thing. For example your hair looks good, I like the way you wash your hands before you eat, you have a good sense of humor. It's ok if it's a more significant communication just be sure it's sincere. Ask God to direct you in what you say. Journal your experience Day 4 Today make it a point to stop what you are doing and really listen to your child. Make eye contact and give 100% attention to him/her. Jot something in your journal about this experience. James 1:19 " . . .everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak . . ." Day 5 Do something fun with your child today. Just the two of you. It's important to be intentional in this because, if you're not careful, your relationship can be focused on a continual stream of corrections. Go to the resources page . . . and you will find some great ideas for having fun together reading books. You'll also find a wonderful list of books. Your relationship will improve as you have more fun together ! Or on the resources page at the top click "have fun with your kids today here" and you'll find some drawing lessons you might enjoy doing together. . Day 6 Today listen to what your child may be saying to you "between the lines." Then look for an opportunity to begin a conversation that addresses your hunch. For example, I'm wondering if you have been thinking about . . . feeling . . . or missing . . . Day 7 When you find yourself in conflict with your child today, or as you reflect on a recent conflict, find a quiet place alone and ask God for wisdom in relating with your child in this difficulty. Write down in your notebook the bit of wisdom God has impressed on your heart. Create a simple plan to act on this wisdom. Perhaps you can find someone to keep you accountable. If you want me to keep you accountable on this matter I would be pleased. Simply email me on the comments page. Day 8 Think about one or two very specific things you like about your child. Make it a point to tell him/her what that is. Make it as specific and significant as possible. Journal this experience. Day 9 Think of, or find, something delightful from your child's younger years to share with your child. Maybe some cute words or phrases he/she used to say, maybe some old pictures, or a memory. Let him/her see your delight in thinking about him/her. Remember you are showing the face of Jesus as you delight in your son/daughter even if it's a small thing and his/her response is unpleasant. God is working in your family today! Day 10 Make a new habit today. When you're frustrated because you need to, once again, repeat a simple request multiple times state the request "evenly" without "erupting." You are modeling patience for him/her in this. Don't expect his/her response to change immediately. Focus on only one request to be consciously "even" about (such as remembering to shut the door, flush the toilet, or remove the plate from the table when he/she is finished eating) If you focus on only one thing right now it will serve as a trigger and help you stay consistent. Journal this experience. Day 11 Review your journal today and make special note of what has worked especially well for you and your child or something you would like to focus on further. Contact your accountability partner again or email me on the contact page and I'll be glad to be your accountability partner. Day 12 Use "I messages"today with your child such as, I feel angry when you . . .or I am confused when you . . . or I don't like it when you, rather than "you messages" such as, you make me angry . . . or you are confusing . . . or you don't make sense. Do this just for a small period of time today. Journal some of the " I statements" you used and what that experience was like. Day 13 Pray for your child's spiritual, mental, physical, social, and emotional well being. Continue to use "I messages." Remember God is working in your family today and providing you with the seed to supply the needs of your family, God's people. (2 Corinthians 9:10-12) Day 14 Be purposefully patient with your son/daughter today. Journal this experience. Day 15 Is there anything you and your child have enjoyed doing together over the last few weeks or months? If so how can you build on that? If not, what could you envision working on together that would build positively in your relationship? It's ok even if it's a very small thing. Day 16 Is there an area of your son/daughter's life where you have high expectations but low support? Perhaps you expect him/her to grow in his/her own personal walk with Jesus, and yet you don't talk with him/her about your personal walk with Jesus. Or maybe you expect your child to clean out his/her closet but perhaps he/she is overwhelmed with the project and would make more significant progress if you worked with him/her on the cleanup. Journal your thoughts regarding any area you may be expecting alot and yet supporting a little. Create a plan to provide more support in a particular area and follow through on it. Day 17 Ask God to give you insight on any recurring negative patterns in your relationship with your child. Your husband can also give you insight in this area. Ask God to give you His thoughts, attitudes, and actions in exchange for yours regarding this recurring negative pattern. Journal your insights. Day 18 Review the insights you journaled yesterday regarding the recurring negative interactions you have with your child. If you didn't have a chance to journal yesterday do so today. Ask God to give you His wisdom, thoughts, and attitidesin exchange for yours. " . . . if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom." Proverbs 2: 3-6 Day 19 Reverse roles with your child today for 1/2 hour to an hour. Journal your insights, thoughts, and feelings from this experience. God is faithfully working in your family today! Day 20 Journal what you learned about reversing roles yesterday. What thoughts or attitudes do you think God wants to change in you so your son/daughter can more clearly "taste and see that the Lord is good" | Day 21
Are there times you have spoken critically about one child to another? Or even spoken critically about anyone to your child? This makes your child feel as though you would criticize him/her when you're not together. Jesus said, " . . . a house divided against itself will fall." Luke 11:17 Day 22 Are you showing favoritism to one child? Perhaps it's easier to relate to one child over another. Ask God to give you an appreciation for him/her. Additionally seek God's wisdom on ways you can deliberately and positively connect. Day 23 Observe your child today as you see him/her doing things and as you listen closely to not only his/her words, but also to what may be on his/her heart. Observe and listen to his/her body language. What new have you learned about your child today? How can you be of greater support to him/her? Write this in your journal. Day 24 Tell your child something you like about how he/she interacted with someone recently or how you've seen him/her grow more Christ like. Perhaps you will get an idea as you review your journal. Hudson Taylor said, "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply." Day 25 Make it a point today to "listen" and observe your child today. Do this at a time when he/she is not actually talking or interacting with you. Maybe you're sitting in a room nearby, or perhaps in the same room, but you are doing separate things and not significantly interacting together. (Try to be nonchalant and private in your observations so your child doesn't feel awkward.) Think about the following as you "listen" and observe. Then journal your insights. What delights or drives your child? What are your child's greatest needs? What are your child's greatest fears? What does your child need most from you physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially? Perhaps your insights extend beyond these questions. Journal them also. Pray asking God to give you wisdom and endurance for this high calling. Chuck Swindoll in his book The Finishing Touch makes this statement about mothers. "You are great. This is your time to make the most significant contribution in all of life." Day 26 Verbalize to your child concisely, but not out of anger, how it feels when he/she speaks harshly to you, or is mean to you, when you have been kind to him/her (in other words not deserving this kind of attitude.) You will need some time and space from the occurance otherwise your anger will only cause further dissention. This communication will help him/her to begin to realize how he/she can hurt someone. Day 27 Make it a point to give your child some positive physical touch today, for example a hug, a back rub, or rest your hand on your child's lap when sitting beside him/her. Do what feels most natural and comfortable. If you are unable to do this today look for an opportunity to do so in the near future. Deuteronomy 28:12 " The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of His bounty . . . to bless all the work of your hands." Day 28 Reflect on what you have learned about your relationship with your child as you peruse your journal. Journal what you have learned and pray for specific wisdom on how you can show the face of Jesus to the child with whom you are having difficulty. John Wesley said, "I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians of England." Day 29 Step back and observe your daily relationship with your child as an outsider would see it. Do you seem to be in continual conflict or are you enjoying conversations and/or activities together? Seek God's wisdom on this. How can you build on the good you already share? Or what does your child enjoy that you can begin to connect with him/her in a light hearted way? Note this in your journal. Proverbs 4:23 NASB "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." Day 30 When your child is mean to you, especially without cause, you need to ask God to give you His attitude toward your child. Your child needs corrected on this matter, however, not out of anger. Remembering that Jesus was treated cruely and without cause can give you a greater appreciation and empathy for Jesus experience. Let's face it we are all sinners and have hurt Jesus in one way or another. Taking time to meditate on what Jesus has done for you can balance out your own emotions toward your child. Journal insights from this exercise. Phillippians 3:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings " Hebrews 12:3 "Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Day 31 When sharing a meal today keep the conversation fun and lighthearted. Hold your tongue when you're tempted to make any unnecessary corrections. Try to make this a daily habit for at least one meal each day this week. Ephesians 4:29 "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." Day 32 When you are thinking positive thoughts about your child be sure to relay, to him or her, specifically what some of these positive thoughts are. Make this a habit. 1 Corinthians 15:58 " . . . Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." Day 33 Ask God for grace to become slow to anger, especially regarding your child. When you do become angry with your child give yourself time to cool down. Your child may interpret your anger toward him/her as an indication that you don't like or love him/her. It will be helpful to jot the problem down in your journal in an abbreviated manner. This will help you take time away from your child to cool down. And after it's written perhaps you can totally forget about it for awhile. After you (and your child) have cooled down talk the problem out without strong emotion. James 1:19-20 ". . . Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." Day 34 When your children are arguing among themselves do not interfer by pinning blame on either one of them. Rather, if you do intercede at all, let it be a reflection of how you feel and what you need. Use "I messages" for this rather than "you messages". The following is an example of an "I message" and, if spoken without stong negative emotions, will not escalate the discord. "I feel sad about your arguing and need you each to cooperate." However if you say, "You guys annoy me when you fight." this will only escalate the argument. They will likely try to blame each other for causing the problem. Day 35 When you're frustrated because you need to, once again, repeat a simple request multiple times to your child state the request "evenly" without "erupting." You are modeling patience for your child in this. Don't expect his/her response to change immediately. On Day 10 You focused on only one specific type of request in which you consciously gave without negative emotion (such as reminding your child to flush the toilet or reminding him/her to remove the plate from the table when he/she is finished eating) The idea of focusing on only one request was to serve as a trigger and help you stay consistent. How are you coming in this area? If this is still a struggle remember not to expect your child's response to change immediately. It can take time. The important thing is that you continue to model a "nonerupting" request. If you have seen progress in this area celebrate and keep up the good work. Journal this experience Day 36 Is there an area of your child's life where you've been expecting alot from him/her but only minimally supporting him/her in this area? If you have already been following your new plan from Day 16 to provide more support in a specific area, take time now to reflect on how that's going. What's working well or what may need some changing. If you don't have a plan or clear thoughts in this area ask God to give you wisdom. Also ask your son or daughter if he/she thinks you are expecting alot in a particular area and yet not giving them enough support in that area to move forward. Address only one area of concern so you aren't overwhelmed. Consider asking your child for suggestions on how you could be more supportive. Hebrews 10:24-25 ". . . let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, . . .encouraging one another . . ." Day 37 Did you envision, or do, anything new or different to have fun with your son or daughter since your exercise on Day 15? If not, do so now. Something small is fine. It's beneficial to have something small because it can be at your "fingertips" more often. Day 38 Plan to prepare your child's favorite dessert (or one of his/her favorite desserts) on Day 40. If you don't know what dessert your child would like ask him/her. Day 39 Reverse roles with your child today for 15 minutes to a 1/2 hour. Journal your insights, thoughts, and feelings from this experience. Did it feel similar to Day 19 or was ther a different "tone" about it? God is faithfully working in your family today! Day 40 Early in the day, or the night before, prepare your child's favorite dessert for a meal you will share today. Also review your journalings to distill what you have learned on this 40 Day Restorative Journey. Share positively with your child how God has been speaking to you regarding your relationship with one another. Proverbs 2:6 "For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." congratulations! Over these 40 days you have carefully listened and observed your child. In the process you gained further empathy for him/her, and even taught empathy. You have initiated Christlike attitudes and actions inspite of negative feedback. Jesus has been empowering you. And through your love for Him, He is enabling you to show His face to your son or daughter with whom your relationship is stressed. I have been praying for you and your child. It is my heartfelt desire that this 40 day journey of restorative living has not only been a transformational tool in your relationship with your child, but that you will also continue to seek God's restorative power for your relationships with your entire family as they "taste and see that the Lord is good" through you. Let me know in the contact form what idea or habit you gained from this experience or how it has affected you. When I hear from you I'll send an audio recording to continue encouraging you in your journey of restoration. You can also sign up there for my free newsletter. God is faithfully working in your family today! . |